Dear Nigerian Women: Speaking from the other side of the aisle
Nigerian men have a few things to complain about how the society burdens them with unnecessary demands.
Dear Nigerian women on Twitter we have seen your tweets and read your threads.
We sincerely apologise for the f*ck boys out there who seduced and manipulated you. We are sorry for their behaviour.
We also apologise for the way the Nigerian society treats the girl and the woman. We can do much better. Patriarchy is deep in our society and we know it is a major stumbling block for gender equality.
We have heard the cries and pains of our sisters, girlfriends and mothers. It would be a lie to say we understand what you go through but we do acknowledge that the society you live in has been unfair and it has shackled you from achieving your dreams telling you to be servants to men instead of equals.
To all these things, we say "we can do better."
Not trying to trivialize the pain you all go through, Nigerian men too face a lot in the hands of women and the society as well. They might not be equal to what women go through, but men have to deal with a whole lot the same.
In love and dating in Nigeria, a lot of relationships are transactional which crudely means "no money, no love." Many men have had to break the bank just to meet up with the demands of his girlfriend which normally revolve around money for hair, money for a new phone or just general upkeep money.
In majority of the relationships here, men are ATMs. There are many Nigerian women who have the mindset that once they get a new boyfriend they can start ‘taxing‘ him for money.
Sister, you might be reading this and say you don’t act like this. You might be independent financially but remember majority of Nigerians don’t live up to ideal Twitter standards. There are many Nigerian women who believe it is their boyfriend’s right to financially provide for them.
Guys might not talk because we have been taught to complain in public, but once a guy starts dating a new chick he knows he has a new set of bills on his neck. On most dates, he would be the one to foot the bill. On her birthday he has to buy something. On Valentine’s Day, he has to buy her a present. On Christmas Day, hell would be let loose if he does not get her something.
There is no equality when it comes to relationships in Nigeria. The guy does all the buying and the women do all the blushing. Because of this mindset, Nigerian women suck at buying their men gifts. They are not used to it. Society has never placed this demand on them to be the benefactor.
This also happens in the bedroom too. If the sex is bad it must be the man’s fault. If the sex is trash, the guy doesn’t know how to knack. Oh, only if you could listen to guys talk and complain about women who don’t know how to sexually please a man. Men do not complain in public because we have been trained not to.
Sex is a 50-50 thing. I please you and you please me. In Nigeria, it is expected that the man does all the work. A lot of women don’t step up and deliver. Yes, we can say society frowns on a woman who is good in bed but like I have written the Nigerian society has held back women…and men too.
This letter here is not to bash but to make it clear that some demands placed on men in Nigeria are unrealistic. A man shouldn’t be a sugar daddy because he has a new girlfriend.
We all want equality. Nigerian society has placed unnecessary demands on both sexes. This is what we have to address and not gender bash.